Storyline?

by Dezz123 Sun Jul 18, 2010 6:05 pm

Hey guys!
I've been working on SR, and I've come to realise something. The Storyline.
I think what I have so far is awkward, and I was after others' opinions.

The problem is there isn't one, yet there is many.
1) Johnathon wants to leave his village and explore.
2) His father is dying and Johnathon needs to find the Crusade, and get them to save his dad, if they can.
3) His prophecy has been foretold, and he has to stop an evil force from taking Okra, the god, and save Okra.
4) He must find the Sacred Shard to restore the world's balance.
And there's more... The game will be long, if completed.

by Xzygon Sun Jul 18, 2010 7:41 pm

1 - The main reason half of all heroes leave their villages.
2 - I like that his dad isn't dead yet, or his nemesis, or something.
3 - A foretelling, a bit cliche, but I like that there's an evil force that's going to take the god instead of an evil force coming to destroy everyone. But if you take down a god, it's essentially the same thing.
4 - Hmm. Not much to say.

by **Shady** Sun Jul 18, 2010 7:42 pm

I would say either 2 or 1. 3 and 4 are soooooooooooooooo lame. Well not lame but not original. happends in every game. 1 and 2 are really original

by Dezz123 Mon Jul 19, 2010 1:22 am

So far 1, 2 and 3 have been added, but 3 is now a bit different.

by SugarBell Mon Jul 19, 2010 2:05 am

this is hard to helping you.. but i will try!

first.. who IS Johnathon? what is his personality? what are his flaws? how old is he? what is his view about the world? what does he do to living? all this things are important!

second what is his relation with his father? are they close? did they fight a lot? why is he dying? is it a disease or plague? are there others like it that will need to be saved? it sound like they are close since he wants to save him! or maybe he is just obligated to because it is his duty as a son? maybe he really will not want to!

what is the Crusade? how will it save his father? also if it is a plague will it heal many others? or only one so he will look selfish to use it only for his dad?

also what is the world around him? is this a real world or is it fake? what time period will it be? what is the history? is the economy well? is him and family doing well or struggling?

also is those all in the same story? that is too many plots! XD

who told his prophecy? where is this prophecy come from?

what is the Sacred Shard? why is the world out balance? who made it off balance? what is the result if balance is not restoring?

i think you will need to focus on 1 plot and fix everything there :) i am good at finding plot hole, but i'm sure this is not plot hole, it is just not everything explained! XD

by **moneymenace** Mon Jul 19, 2010 11:37 am

How about this. It's a bit less cliche.

Early on in the game, the Sacred Shard is found. But when you enter the room, the evil god takes the shard, shatters it, and scatters it across the world. After he does that, he freezes you with a spell. So not only do you have to find the shattered Shard bits, but you have to find someone to free yourself of the spell.

What do you think?